Gimp has been thinking a lot lately—especially since it was just Pride Month—about family, chosen family, being poly (though gimp isn’t entirely sure gimp would describe itself as poly, mainly because all of its relationships are one-on-one, there are no triangles, or org charts needed; if You don’t like that definition, feel free to substitute Your own), and the strange, complicated, wonderful forms that family can take.

One of things gimp has come to appreciate, especially as a kinky fucker, is that many of the most important relationships in its life defy easy description. Society gives us labels like partner, boyfriend, friend, family, and even Owner, but those words often feel insufficient. The people in gimp’s life occupy spaces between and beyond those categories. Some are partners, some are mentors, some are authority figures, some are friends, and many are several of those things at once. Gimp doesn’t know exactly what to call the collection of relationships that now exists around it, but “family” feels close enough.

Gimp’s primary partner and gimp have been open since the very beginning. We were both already in kinky dynamics with others when we met. We never really sat down and established rules or boundaries beyond a simple understanding: we both want the other to be happy. Gimp trusts him implicitly and has no doubts or fears of being supplanted or replaced. Gimp’s relationship with Owner exists separately from that. They are different relationships, fulfilling different needs, and gimp has never viewed them as being in competition with one another. Or some sort of zero sum game. I do have limited time but that is the only limit on my ability to maintain relationships. Owner agreed and actually told gimp from the beginning that gimp’s primary relationship takes precedence. They are two sides of the same coin. Gimp has deep romantic feelings for its partner; we are equals, he is my past, present, and future and I love him more than I love myself. With Owner, gimp’s feelings are wrapped up in devotion, service, and structure, with care and, yes, even love expressed through a very different lens and means. Both relationships are important to gimp. Both help make it happy and fulfilled.

Owner began dating someone last year. Gimp remembers someone asking if it was jealous, or assuming that it must have struggled with it. The truth is that it wasn’t. In fact, gimp doesn’t think it even had the language for what it was feeling at first. It wasn’t until later—thanks to Owner’s boyfriend—that gimp learned the word compersion: joy derived from seeing someone You love happy. Looking back, that is exactly what gimp experienced.

Nothing changed between Owner and gimp. He has always been exceptionally good at managing his time and relationships, and gimp has never felt neglected or pushed aside. (He is far more mature and adept at managing these things than gimp.) Instead, it found itself excited for him.

The moment that truly cemented it happened at MIR. There was a photograph taken of Owner and his boyfriend together in the bathroom. In the picture, both of them are wearing the biggest, most giddy smiles imaginable. Seeing that picture, and later watching them interact in person, and with Owner’s Partner, made gimp realize that this relationship was something genuinely special. It was good for him, and because gimp cares deeply for him, that made it happy too.

It’s the same happiness gimp feels when Owner is off traveling with his partner or otherwise spending time with the people he loves. Knowing that he is cared for and fulfilled by others genuinely makes gimp happy. It’s the same feeling gimp has when its partner is with his SIR or out having fun. Gimp wants everyone in its life to be happy and fulfilled, and if that happiness doesn’t require gimp at that moment, that’s fine. Gimp can’t be everything to everyone, and that is perfectly okay.

As a side note, gimp’s brain can’t quite comprehend how that works for monogamous couples. Being everything and fulfilling all needs of someone seems impossible and daunting, but if that’s Your thing and it works for You, more power to You.

There is something profoundly moving about watching people You care about care for one another. Seeing them together—getting along, laughing, and genuinely enjoying one another’s company—has made that sense of Compersion and a growing ‘family’ feel even more real. The structure of these relationships remains what it has always been. Gimp remains at the bottom of the hierarchy, and happily so. Always Owner’s property. Always his to keep under his boot and keep down. Yet despite the clear hierarchy, what has grown around us feels less like a hierarchy and more like a family table with more chairs being added whenever they are needed.