I’ve had this one in the queue for awhile and I finally had time to edit it today. I’m going to try and make more frequent updates here but the short form nature of Twitter is just so much less work.
Hello everyone, it’s been a while since I’ve had the time to write anything long-form, however, something recently has really begun to tick me off to the point I’ve snapped at people. Most of them deserved the tongue lashing they got. Here’s the thing that’s been causing me ire recently: keep your hands off the collar on my neck. There are 3 people on the entire planet not including me who are permitted to touch it: my two Sirs and my slave brother. That’s it. There are 8 billion people on this planet; the odds that you are one of these 3 people is pretty low.
Several times in the past month I have had my collar touched, grabbed, examined and even once used to choke me from behind as I walked through a crowd. (I will note that the vast majority of people are not the issue but a handful of uninformed or rude people are and necessitate this post/rant) The touching was inappropriate enough, but the perpetrators were for the most part people who should have known better.
One of these people, at MAL, was a person I recognized as someone I’ve seen online billing himself as an ‘old guard’ Master. He definitely should have known better. Not only is there a consent violation in touching me or something attached to me, but there is a violation of our community norms. I’ll be the first to admit I don’t always follow protocol and I’m often too smart for my own good with my superiors but there are a few things I think are pretty much set in stone in our community and one is: if it’s not your collar don’t touch it. Hands off. Look but don’t touch.
There are a few exceptions, like for play when I was being strapped into a sleep sack the Dom told me, “I have to slide your collar over to finish zipping.”, this is completely acceptable we had exchanged consent, he explained the reasoning, and it was necessary to facilitate play, he wasn’t grabbing it to exert control or dominance over me. That’s a huge difference from grabbing my collar to get my attention at a bar or in a crowded hotel lobby.
It all boils down to things your parents probably told you: look but don’t touch and if it’s not yours don’t touch.
My collar represents a commitment I made to my Sirs. It represents a relationship that we have all worked hard on. It represents the protection they offer me and the service and respect I offer them. It’s not some fashion accessory or toy. It’s a physical symbol of the relationship we have. You’re not a part of it so keep your hands off.